When Love’s Not Enough

Posted: 2011/10/13 in Loving, Stories
Tags: ,

A couple of days ago I read a comment that said wind and solar could never provide more than 20% of our energy needs and that we were therefore faced with an awful dilemma.

I was really depressed and anxious for a couple of days.

(I’ve learned that my anxiety especially draws its real energy from more immediate circumstances, especially if I’m not acknowledging them, and there are plenty of those. Otherwise I would be anxious and depressed at a pretty steady level all the time. But I digress.)

Then I remembered the story of the loaves and fishes. For those not familiar with it, it’s another story about Jesus. A big crowd had come to hear him speak. It was getting late, and he told his followers to go buy some food. They said that was impossible—that they didn’t have nearly enough money. Then a little boy came to them. He said, “You can have my food!” His offer was also ridiculous. He gave them a couple of pieces of flat-bread and some small dried fishes. But Jesus didn’t laugh. He gave thanks to God for His provision of food, and instructed his followers to start passing out bread and fish. I would have loved to have seen eye-rolls turn to slack-jaws as they kept passing out bread and fish and not running out. In the end, there was a lot more left over than when they started.

I’m not saying that God will work a miracle to make wind and solar enough (although I did read an article in Scientific American a few years ago that said that, combined with aggressive though still reasonable conservation—not shivering-in-the-dark-conservation—and other alternatives, they would be enough. I’m no expert, and I haven’t the interest or fortitude to become one. My family is going to keep doing our one new green initiative every year, regardless).

But I digress again.

The lesson was that love doesn’t worry about whether it’s enough or not. It just loves as if it didn’t know any better, and sometimes the unforeseen happens. But even if it does not, love just keeps on.

There are several situations in my circle of friends and partners in love for which my love isn’t enough. I can’t fix it. I can’t even put a dent in it. And I’ve spent since February trying to call secular liberal acquaintances and conservative Christian acquaintances back onto the path of love, and I have nothing more to show for it than weariness and some emotional stab wounds.

Last Monday I broke down in tears because an attempt to show love had instead caused hurt. “I’m sick of life! It’s nothing but a series of  opportunities to make mistakes! And it’s never enough.”

Now it’s Thursday, and I’m saying, “So what?”

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